Ridicully - verbal voyeur extraordinaire (ridicully) wrote,
Ridicully - verbal voyeur extraordinaire

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Adventures on the train

First of all, yesterday showed me again, that the exact same words "Can we close this window? It's getting cold back there." will have me either close the window - even if I'm close to suffocating myself - or pitching a fit and opening it again - even if I'm close to freezing myself.
The only difference?
In the first case they are an actual question. An completely rhetoric question of course, because when someone is informing me politely that something I'm doing is making him feel uncomfortable, how can I continue doing it - as long as it's a reasonable request? I don't actively try to be impolite.
The second case? Saying these words (in what I still insist is was an aggressive way) *while at the same time closing the window in question*. Excuse me? Don't just assume I'll do what you want, even if, like I said, there's nearly no way I could refuse the request.
It'll make one Ridicully angry. And an angry Ridicully is stubborn. So an angry Ridicully will open the window again. Not as far as before, because I actually understand why you wanted it closed, but just *because I don't appreciate being walked over and will revert in five-year-old mode if you try*.

Hmmm. I'm using the asterikses again. Have to stop that.

The second incident shows even more of my irrational behaviour.
When we boarded our third to last train (we changed trains 10 times yesterday. The things I'll to for a cheap ticket), approximately 2 millions of football fans did the same (I don't know how many. I suck at estimating), accompanied by the nice people in green with helmets and sticks.
I'm a pretty easy person to get along with. I don't mind the singing and the drinking (or the resulting slurred singing). I don't even mind the smoking very much. I endured all of it on the second to last train after I had calmed down a bit. Even the verbal 'insults' don't bother me much (I'm actually male? Or neuter? I'm an animal? [this seemed to be an comment, now that I think about it] I like to suck pussy? Anybody who fucks me is too bored to wank? I think the claim that even the police is cooler than me, was the most creative thing they tried. But they were still grossed out by my job description that I stick my arm up cows asses :)
So, after this attempt to prove that I'm not completely crazy. Here's what happened:
We're standing in the train like sardines, people sitting everywhere, for example the luggage rack, and this guy walks around asking for a smoke. He arrives at my end of the carriage, where I'm leaning on the door to keep the smoke outside. I tell him I don't smoke and this is a non smoker carriage anyway. He just laughs and tells me nobody cares. I grip his arm, pull him down a bit and tell him I do and he better not smoke in here. He's a bit startled (who wouldn't be if some random woman suddenly does something like this), but asks what I'll do to stop him. I tell him I'll tell the conductor, the police, anyone. He laughs and says that they don't care. I tell him I care and will stop him myself. He turns away, ignoring me and gets a cigarette from someone. He will just light it up, when I try to grab him again. *Some security guy in civil clothing stops me*. He explains I should write a letter of complain to the Bahn because they refused to use more trains even though they knew of the football game. Cigarette guy is gloating and his friends are laughing, but hasn't put on the smoke. I'm angry. I try to get around the Bahn guy to get the cigarette and snap it in two (Jump around him, push him a bit to get him out of the way). He asks one of the police over to stop me. This police woman also gets between me and cigarette guy who can't believe something like me exists. She tells me I should not start something. She knows it's frustrating, blah, blah, blah. I'm so angry I'm nearly crying, which does always give the wrong impression, so I'm standing there, shaking with rage, biting my teeth and taking deep breath. I'm standing there between two ladies in green. Chin up, shoulders back, hands on my hips or cracking my knuckles, trying to stop any tears from spilling until I've calmed myself down enough that I can laugh about myself again. One of the police ladies asks me if I'm ill (my sister thinks she probably wanted to know if I have asthma). No, I say, I'm only aggressive. And have a temper. Deep breaths. Not crying. Not backing down. I may have lost but you won't see me back down.
After five minutes or so I had enough of a grip on myself again that I could turn up the volume on my iPod and take out my book.
I was standing between the two police women the entire trip. Having some relapses where I had to stop from crying again. Before we changed trains the police woman told my *little sister* which carriage to take on the other train - apparently she didn't believe I would try to avoid a confrontation, I wonder where she got that impression.
Not that it did much good, one of the people in the carriage recognized me and *phoned cigarette guy* to come over because I was there. But since I had calmed down in the meantime and accepted that I would have to sit in the smoke, they had their fun trying to insult me, and I had my fun being sarcastic and annoying them in not being insulted.

Since I'm obviously capable of not being provoked if I don't want to be, the question is, why did I react in such an extreme way to this guy? I guess it's because I believe I was *right* and don't like to be forced to back down on something I believe is right. Yes, that fits nicely with my My-mental-age-is-actually-five theory.
And I'll confess, I don't know if I'm proud of myself or embarrassed.
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