Apart from the usual emo episodes of "why would anyone be friends with me, I'm boring/crazy/hyper/whatever" I've know exactly what kind of friend I am for a long time.
First of all, I'm nice (which is not something specific about me being a friend, but rather, no matter how much I don't like it, part of my fundamental personality).
I'm also dependable.
And ridiculously loyal.
All of this makes for a steadfast, if pretty boring, friend.
The kind of friend that will drive you to the doctor if you're ill, even if they've other things to do and you're not so ill that taking public transport would be a major issue. That will make time to help you move. That will wait in the car to take you wherever you need to be. That will wait in the doctors office with you. That offers to beat people up for you. That runs around to get you stuff (drugs, food, whatever). That will be there for you at the funeral of someone close to you.
I will be *there* but what I don't know, is what to do while I am there.
I don't touch people. I rarely even hug my parents, let alone anyone else. I apologize every time my hand brushes a friends' arm while walking. I'm certainly not able to offer comfort through hugs.
I don't talk about emotions. Ever.
Most of the time I also don't talk about anything even marginally serious.
I suck at interpreting moods or guessing motivations
So, while I'm there for you, you have the choice between two options. I can babble about any random thing that comes to my mind (starting with the weather, because I'm predictable) or I'll do the whole quiet waving-my-hands-in-hopefully-soothing-pa
Because that's who I am
And no, it's not as if that's any different from a lot of people out there. And nobody would ever complain about it or even give it more than a few seconds of thought, I know.
I just felt like
being emo navel-gazing today. I blame the weather and the enforced inactivity.
You see what the world is saved from by me being busy?