Ridicully - verbal voyeur extraordinaire (ridicully) wrote,
Ridicully - verbal voyeur extraordinaire

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Life crisis - egocentric and incoherent post

While I'm working on my "What I did on my holidays" diary -- too long to post it here, but I'll link to the photos extensively (How long does it take for a photo-CD to be mailed form Spain to Germany? I was driving through the most beautiful part of Scotland and Julia forgot to also take some pictures with my camera) -- thinking how terrible cliched it is that I tell people that I needed this holiday to make my own mistakes and learn by them (I've never planned a holiday on my own before; I normally planning everything and survived 6 days on which I had no idea where I would sleep in the evening; I know now that I'm as unable to ask for help/anything in English as I am in German; I survived a whole week with another person without becoming murderous or being killed; I even appreciate the night I spent worrying about the cost of the hotel, since I forgot to ask the price - I'm not likely to do this again;...), catching up on my flist (skip=100 right now) -- no, I'm not obsessed -- and writing endless sentences, I'm also dealing with the usual end of holiday "What am I doing with my life" feeling.

I didn't decide to become a vet because I have a burning desire to help animals -- to paraphrase a quote I read somewhere, 'You don't study over five years just because you want to help animals, if you want to do that you can help out in a shelter right now' -- but because it was supposed to be difficult and most of the time your working schedule is messed up (yes, I'm weird), offers a lot of possible areas to work in and of course also because it does deal with animals.
I'm not really doubting my decision to become a vet, more panicking what I'm going to do when I'm finally finished. Like everyone I've asked, I'm sitting here thinking "I don't want to leave school. I don't want to work".
But that's not exactly true either, during the semester I can't wait to finally be done with it all.
I wish I could tell what exactly my problem is. The not knowing what to do? The not wanting to live anywhere more than a few years? Frightened because the next exams are only half a year away? Horror at the idea of only working with pets? Already afraid of job interviews? Horror at the idea of only working with farm animals? Still not believing I'll be trusted with drugs that can kill a man and generally afraid of being a responsible adult?

Don't mind me, I'll just wibble for a few more day before I return to my normal 'I try not to think further than next week, why are you asking about my future?' attitude.

ETA (Something more shallow and normal):
Why does the Sitcom meme cast Kevin Costner as me? What did I do wrong?

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, running across the steppes! It is Ridicully, hands clutching a vorpal blade! And with a bloodthirsty bellow, her voice cometh:

"Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I pilliage and burn like a klepto-pyro!!!"

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My veins are full of vengeance and goo - and the red cross still wants my blood.
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